My name is Joseph Johnny Portillo, and this is a little bit of my story. At a young age I was a victim of divorce, I remember feeling angry at my mom and abandoned by my dad. I didn’t know how to deal with those feelings at that young age, so I buried them; as I got older, I started drinking and getting high to deal with those buried emotions. I started stealing and getting into trouble, but never really got violent. The one-time I remember getting into a fight was in Junior High, and that was because I was standing up for a kid who was being bullied.
As I got older, I started stealing cars, drinking more and doing more drugs. I remember after getting into trouble my mom would sit me down and ask why I did the things I did. I told her I didn’t know why and honestly at the time I really didn’t. Eventually my actions led me to prison, and prison elevated my criminality tremendously. After getting out of prison on my last term, I paroled a full-blown heroin addict; and ended up participating in a robbery of a drug house to feed my addiction. Regretfully two men ended up getting killed – Mr. Curtis Rielly, Mr. Charlie Johnson, a third victim named Donnie Aiken was injured. In 1997 I was sentenced to two LWOP terms, Life Without the Possibility of Parole; plus 10 years.
In 2010 I crossed over from the active yard to the SNY Yard, though I wanted to change I kept making the same destructive choices I didn’t know why. I had seen other inmates going to these self-help groups; it wasn’t until then that I truly decided to make a commitment to change my life. I got involved in church and started participating in school and received my GED. I started participating in self-help groups, and have accomplished C.G.A, B.P.H and Self-Help therapy. I do PREP work, victim awareness and I’m working on domestic violence; I am also in A.V.P, N.A./A.A., and a youth offender program.
Through my time in these programs I now have insight into why I did the things I did. I was hurt and angry as a kid. If I was hurting my mom, everybody else around me was going to hurt too. I have learned to forgive and release all the pain, fear, and hurt that I carried with me almost my whole life. I have learned how to deal with these feelings. God, my wife and kids are the corner stone of my recovery. I now live my life making amends to all I have ever hurt and I will continue to work on myself for the rest of my life so that I can be the husband, father, son, brother that I was meant to be. Whether I stay in prison for the rest of my life or not, I have finally taken off the mask of pretending to be someone I am not. I know who I truly am now, and I am finally free.