My Name is Jennifer Henderson. I’ve been in prison since
April 2005 serving two consecutive LWOP sentences for taking the lives of Thomas & Jackie Hawks. I cannot deny the gravity of the callous, heartless manner in which two lives were taken.
I’ve been in prison since 2005, serving two consecutive LWOP sentences for taking the lives of Thomas and Jackie Hawks. I cannot deny the gravity of the callous, heartless manner in which their lives were taken.
Growing up with a controlling father, whose main focus was financial security, and a co-dependent mother who ensured peace by keeping my father happy, I became a people-pleaser, to gain my parent’s approval, and even to lie in order to maintain appearances. My normal was to do as I was “told” and acting as I “should”, in order to give the impression that life was perfect. Defeated by my circumstances, I didn’t speak up, to avoid conflict, or disappointing others. I cared too much about the opinions of others.
I was afraid of failure and judgments. I had unrealistic expectations of myself and was not able to cope with confrontation. I stuffed my grief, pain, and confusion throughout my childhood and my marriage.
The unhealthy dynamics of my childhood resulted in my marriage to a man that “needed” me, fueling my co-dependency. My instinct to protect, maintaining appearances, and fear of failure, combined with his dysfunction and denial of his true self, created an atmosphere of lies that led to Thomas and Jackie’s death. Today, I pray that my own children learn from my past mistakes, while I hope for the opportunity to one day be the mother that they both need and deserve.
During my incarceration, I have completed multiple self-help groups and obtained two AA Degrees Sociology and Liberal Arts, both with honors. I co-facilitate our LWOP Support Group, creating new ways of advocating, and I serve as the Public Relations representative within the Long-Termers’ Organization (LTO), where I reach out to members of the community, to share tools such as coping skills, relapse prevention, and resume preparation information with the CCWF population. I work as a Peer Health Mentor, educating the population on communicable diseases and prevention. Giving of my time, energy, and effort for those that CANNOT do for themselves has brought me joy, fulfillment, and continues my direct amends to those victimized by my past behaviors. Some programs I am a part of are:
– The Gifted Hands Crochet Project, which includes crocheting blankets, scarves, and beanies for Children’s Hospitals, Veterans, and First Responders.
– Comfort Care Volunteer Program, which includes comforting and providing my peers housed in the Skilled Nursing Facility (SNF) with emotional, spiritual, and hands on support, including vigil visits and hospice like care. It is crucial that my peers do NOT die alone, knowing that their lives matter to me.
– A Grief Counselor, where I am available to provide encouragement and emotional support to my community.
Acknowledging my own feelings was not something I was taught, yet today, I make my emotional needs a priority. I no longer fear the ugly truth, and I appreciate every opportunity I have been given that allows me to learn and grow in my life, as well as change the way I view it. Today, I make the best decisions for my life, my family, and my community, both inside and outside of these walls.
The hardest dose of my undeniable reality has brought forth my personal growth, healing, emotional maturity, and the continued desire to love and be true to myself.